Pants 0. Shit 1.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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