peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
