she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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