I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
