Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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