I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
