just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
