I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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