At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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