some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He felt like a one man threesome
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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