i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
