just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
