White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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