I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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