im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
