I could make wine with my vomit
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
