I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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