Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
