it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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