Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
