I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
