i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We need to rekindle our bromance
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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