So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I believe in your delicious
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
