Im at strip club and am horny
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The struggles of a small town man whore
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
