Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
