Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
