Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
