apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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