every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
