you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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