hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
