be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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