I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
