is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
