Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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