I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize