im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
