So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I puked a lego.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
