Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
