Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?