I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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