Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
