When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
