If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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