She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
