remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
