I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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