just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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