Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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