he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
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He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch