I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.