dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.