im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
