I feel like I'm in dance class right now
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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