I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
how drunk are you?
Several
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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