I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
