so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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