thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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