Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
