i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
