I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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As shirtless as possible
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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