He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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