Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
