She's JV to your varsity
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
