Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
